Most people are able to talk themselves out of unnecessary purchases, limiting themselves only to the occasional splurge. But they completely lose control when it comes to their kids!  Something about the sheer unadulterated happiness children exude at receiving a longed for item makes us feel wretched if we have to say “No, not this time”. 

Frequently, the budget blow out occurs even before the child is even crawling. Overeager parents (face it, we’ve all been there!) comb every baby store and buy every kind of paraphernalia allegedly needed to greet a new life. Of course there are the big ticket items – the crib, stroller, baby seat, high chair. There are the indulgences – the designer baby carrier and clothes and lots of bits and bobs from rattles, to intelligence-stimulating toys, cloth books and a host of noisy battery-operated gizmos that will be the bane of your existence because they will always need reloading!

There is an urgent need to reign in this buying machine and do it early before we send the wrong messages to our kids. Is buying someone something the only way to show love? Is shopping the only form of recreation in Malaysia?  Will kids only be happy and popular if they have all the newest toys and merchandise? You can just imagine them taking these notions into adulthood armed with a host of credit cards and a warped value system!

The first idea we have to make peace with is that it is okay to say no. Indeed it is probably the more difficult path but you are doing it for all the right reasons.  Elaine St. James in her book Simplify Your Life With Your Kids has some valuable wisdom to share, “In addition to training yourselves, you have to teach your kids early on that they can’t have everything they want or think they want. How much of what the kids have now do they actually use? What would they miss? Probably not much,” she argues.

To start with she advocates only going shopping when you have something specific to buy. Avoid habitual window shopping and you’ll avoid those impulse purchases you regret later. As an experiment, try not to shop for anything but groceries for a month. “You’ll be amazed at the time and money you’ll save. This is time you can spend with your kids, and money you can set aside for more important things.”

“Children have survived for centuries with a fraction of what’s available today. What kids require more than anything else is lots of love and uninterrupted time with their parents. Those are the greatest gifts”, she concludes. 

Here are some ideas for reducing unnecessary acquisitions
The new baby - There are a handful of things that you absolutely need for a new baby – a crib, a stroller, a bouncy seat, an infant car seat and a high chair. Other things are really not that necessary or can be borrowed and bought secondhand from other parents who would be grateful not to have to store them.

You also only need a small number of practical and comfortable clothes for babies. Onesies and simple playsuits that give infants room for movement are best. Baby girls may need a couple of dresses for special occasions but for the most part dresses restrict crawling and get on their nerves. Those designer outfits with lot of buttons, buckles and embellishments or made of too-hot fabric will hardly be used. Leave the buying of books and toys to friends and relatives.

Taming the toy collection - Don’t let books and toys overrun your house. The first thing to do is establish rules of when kids can get new toys – for example, Christmas, birthdays and one other special occasion. One suggestion is to institute an ‘experience gift’ system with relatives and friends such as Visits to the Zoo or Aquarium, Museum or Art Gallery as an alternative to toys. Teach kids that they do not have to have every piece of merchandise from their favourite animated films. Go for well-made quality toys that can gradually be built up into collections, such as quality wood blocks, matchbox cars, leggo or dollhouses. Be careful to avoid the cheap, plasticky and gimmicky.

Use your imagination and reuse items in your house - for example costumes for dressing up can be fashioned from old clothes. Recycled toilet rolls, cardboard boxes, even old newspaper can be used for arts and crafts.

Also don’t feel inclined to duplicate the toys kids have at school. They can play with those toys there. The same goes for books – join a children’s library or start a cooperative playgroup in your apartment or neighbourhood where books and toys are pooled for shared use.

Be more inventive when planning family activities
With a little more advanced planning, you can steer your weekend leisure time away from shopping malls and become closer as a family. Visit natural areas and parks and encourage children to write a scrapbook story of what they did, including little keepsakes of dried leaves, seeds and flowers on the pages. Visit Green Kids for fresh ideas. Organise visits to the museum or science centre and pack a picnic lunch for after. Children’s outings needn’t be expensive and complicated.

Simplify and give away
Paring down your children’s toys, books and clothes is also an opportunity to teach your children the value of giving. Make a day of it: get your kids to lay out their things, and then select only the clothes, books and toys that they still use and want to keep. The rest can be sorted in boxes for people you know, worthy causes and children’s homes. Older children can also learn an important lesson. They can calculate how much all the unwanted toys and games are worth. Perhaps they would much rather have that money in hand for things they really need, and be less inclined to make frivolous purchases in the future.

Tell us your ideas
Do you have any fun and practical ideas of how we can learn to live with less stuff? Perhaps you have a success story of how you steered your children to do things differently? We would love to hear from you: post your letter or comment here.

by Justine Vaz